The Peaceful Spearow
Dawn broke over the fair region of Kanto. Creatures of every shape and form imaginable sprung from their homes. From under moss-covered logs, dense leafy bushes and even crowded trees, wild Pokemon emerged eager to greet the day and make their mark on the world. One such creature was named Birb. Birb had always been an odd one for his species, one who seemed at odds with his friends and family’s more violent ways. Today, Birb awoke with a new sense of optimism as he preened his bright red feathers with his pale pink beak and rubbed his head against a nearby tree branch to make his brown face and neck feathers stand out.
‘Today’s the day,’ Birb thought as he hopped downward from his small nest at the top of a large tree so that he could meet his neighbors, ‘today I’m finally going to be able to convince the elders that we needn’t attack passing travelers.’ Birb lived in a large tree, with thick seemingly ancient branches and leaves so green that it was as if the term green came from their description. He was a lowly member of his flock, only a few years old, but his tenacity knew no bounds. “Hi Melissa,” he yelled as he swooped down to a friend’s branch. Birb had always been close with Melissa since they were hatchlings, but even she did not share his views on the outside world.
“Hello Birb,” she replied kindly yet tersely as she preened her slightly yellow-golden feathers. “did you have a good rest?”  
“I sure did,” Birb enthusiastically replied, “while I was sleeping I dreamed up a new proposal for the elders. I’m going to present it to them so that we can finally have peace with the outside world. You know I don’t like attacking other creatures.” He paused for a moment and looked down, as he painfully recalled the last attack.
The flock had seen an encroaching family of other birds who were seemingly abandoned by their flock. They had set up a makeshift nest in a nearby tree and were just struggling to get several worms for their survival. One of the flock’s watchers had spotted the nest during an early morning patrol around the tree and quickly went to the elders. Within the hour, dozens of Birb’s flock descended on the small family and they showed no mercy. In mere minutes, the creatures lay on the ground, either bloodied or dead, and Birb’s allies were already pecking the nest apart to bring it back to their tree.
Birb then looked up and shook off the memory. “It doesn’t have to be this way,” he implored to his friend, ‘and this time I’m going to make them see.”
Melissa then sighed and spoke. “I know you don’t like fighting Birb, but that’s what we do. It’s what we have always done, what our parents have done, and their parents before them. We defend what is ours, or others will come and take everything we have.” She then looked fiercely above her and yelled. “Birb, look out!’
The warning came too late, and a foul-smelling liquid came pouring onto Birb from above. The small creature, now smelling as if he spent the night in a filth-filled sewer, looked up in anger. He saw Milo several branches above him, his body perfectly aimed to defecate on the unsuspecting pacifist. “Hey you,” Birb yelled, enraged at this affront. “You know I have a meeting with the elders today, how dare you do that to me!” He then quickly flapped his feathers trying to clean his body of the stench, however the action caused some to fly onto Melissa.
“Ew,” Melissa replied as she flew away and down towards the small creek that intersected the ground near their tree. “Thanks Birb,” she yelled sarcastically as she washed herself off, “I didn’t need to wash again today.”
Milo then turned around and tilted forward, looking down at the still soaked Birb. “Oh, sorry little Birb,” he began as he laughed and chortled. “I didn’t see you down there. Maybe you should watch where you walk.” He then sneered down towards Birb and flapped his wings.
“Oh Milo, you’re such a bully,” Birb yelled. “Once I present my plan to the elders and it gets approved, your days as a member of the guard will be numbered. You’ve been protected by your status for far too long. I’ll see that you get what’s coming to you after all is said and done!” He pouted and then flew down to the stream and saw Melissa washing up. “I’m sorry for getting you wet,” Birb apologized respectfully, “but you know how Milo is.”
Melissa finished dipping her golden feathers in the water and then looked up. “I know, but that doesn’t mean you have to let him get to you. Just be yourself and don’t let him bother you. You need to get cleaned up and then go talk to the elders.” She then flew upwards back to her nest and left Milo alone.
‘Guys like him always have everything,’ Birb thought as he washed up as best he could in the flowing, clear water. ‘Just because he’s bigger and stronger, he thinks that he’s always right and that he has permission to beat up or torment anyone he wants.’ As the water flowed through his brown and red feathers, he pictured himself using his wings to knock Milo’s nest out of the tree. ‘No,’ he thought as he finished washing. ‘that wouldn’t be right. If I did something like that I’d just be as bad as Milo is. It’s better to convince and talk then use violence.’ He finished washing up and then rubbed against the nearby patches of tall grass, hoping to remove any remnants of stench. His morning plans now delayed, he flew back up to the tree and went to the highest branches of the tree.
At the top of the tree, Deku sat resting. Deku was the oldest of the elders that lived on the tree, so on any flock matters, he had the final say. The bird was several times larger than Bird, and rumor was that ages ago he looked as they once  did, but now he had great brown and tan wings with red feathers on top of his head. As Birb approached, Deku’s slumber was interrupted by the young creature.
“Deku, Deku,” Birb implored, “I have something to tell you.”
“Yes Birb,” Deku sighed as he stretched his wings out, “what is it today?” He paused for a moment and then continued to speak. “You know that you come to council every few days with some other idea or suggestion for how we can change the habits of the flock. Out of all your suggestions, do you know how many we’ve implemented? I can count on one talon how many, in fact, I can count on zero talons, because that’s how many we have approved!”
Birb, slightly taken aback by Deku’s grumpiness, tried to explain. “I know, I know Great Deku, but this is different. The flock is already doing quite well, so I don’t see the need for us to attack nearby trees or beings on the ground. We always have felt that anything we can see from the tree is our property, but with that mindset we’ll always be alone. We have more food and water than we will ever need, and certainly it wouldn’t hurt to share some of that with…” As he continued to explain his plan, a great howl from Deku caused him to stop speaking.
“Share,” Deku  crowed angrily, loud enough for the entire tree to hear, “we don’t need to share. This flock has always been about keeping ourselves secure and satisfied. Anything we see, we take. If anyone invades our territory we punish them by any means necessary so they never come back, assuming they can even come back at all. Little Birb I think we’ve heard of your foolishness for the last time. From a reduction in patrols, to now aiding the enemy, I now see you for what you are. You are a traitor to the flock. You are now banned from this tree for the rest of your life, and I shall make sure that you dare not set talon on this tree ever again!” With a flap of Deku’s mighty wings, Birb found himself knocked back by the force of the gust, spiraling quickly towards the ground. The small creature managed to flap its wings and hovered mere inches above the ground.
Feeling disheveled, and now broken- hearted, Birb made his way across the field, keeping as low to the ground as possible. ‘I should try to stick to the ground until I get out of the area,’ Birb thought as he slinked along the cold dirt. ‘I don’t need someone like Milo to come along and peck me to death.’ He made his way along the grass-covered field, passing other bird creatures and rats who gave him a wide berth. After walking for a while, he noticed a small group of pink worms crawling around on the dark-brown earth. Feeling famished, he bent down and started to chow down. ‘I haven’t had any food today,’ he thought as he began to enjoy his meal.
At this moment, he heard a commotion off in the distance and shouting. He looked up and saw another flying creature fly away. Undisturbed, Birb continued his meal hiding in the thick and tall grass. Then, before he could react, Birb was struck in the head and a large welt appeared. Looking around, he saw a rock nearby. ‘That must be what hit me,’ he thought as he felt searing pain on his forehead. ‘Why would anyone throw a rock at a peaceful Pokemon just trying to enjoy its meal. I haven’t done any harm to this creature so why would it attack me.’ He paused for a second and then reflected. ‘Maybe Milo and Deku were right. Maybe violence is the only way to assure your survival in a world like this.’ He then leapt up and flapped his wings, flying out of the grass and sought out the rock thrower.
He saw a young human, clad in a blue jacket and pants along with a red and white hat. ‘That must be him,’ he thought as he swooped towards the figure trying to peck at his head. ‘I’ll show him, that horrible human,’ he thought as he continued to peck the human’s face.
The human used his hands to swat away at Birb, striking him and causing the creature to get knocked onto the ground. ‘I won’t let this human hurt me, or hurt the flock,’ Birb thought as he momentarily lay on the ground. ‘I must warn Deku and the others, this human might come and destroy the tree if he hates us so much.’ He quickly flapped his wings and made his way back to the tree. Ignoring the calls of the guards to turn around, he burst into Deku’s nest area.
“Deku, I beg your forgiveness,” Birb began, “I see now that I was wrong. Humans and other creatures only have it out for our kind. We need to fight them with any means necessary and drive them from our land. I also bring grave news, there’s a horrible human coming this way and he already attacked me with a rock. I have no idea what he plans to do when he reaches the tree but I fear the worst. You should have all guards and patrols attack the human and drive him away!”
Deku, first in shock at the banished creature’s return, then jumped into action. “I’m glad you’ve seen the error of your ways. In this development, I rescind your banishment. You only returned when you knew the flock was at risk, and for that I thank you. I’ll call upon all able bodies, and we shall repel this human invasion!” He then cawed loud three times, the planned signal to convey an imminent attack. “There is a human approaching the tree,” Deku shouted, “any who are capable, attack this human and show him no mercy. He’s already assaulted a member of the flock and who knows what he plans to do with us.” He then paused and turned towards Birb. “You can stay here Birb and rest. You’ve already tangled with that filthy human and paid the price for it.”
Birb nodded and then watched as wave after wave of his brethren left the tree in attack formations, ready to thrash the human. ‘I’m home,’ Birb thought as he rested in Deku’s nest, ‘I won’t let any human or other creature threaten the flock ever again.’ He continued to watch the field as a storm brewed, feeling hatred in his heart, and hoping that his flock pecked the human to death.
 Note: This is a gift story for @Yumpy for a Spearow

I thought of making it have a larger return part where he joins in the attack etc, but I didn't want to bloat it just because I could.

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[-] The following 1 user Likes Mlouden03's post:
  • Yumpy
Alright @Mlouden03, here is your grade.

Diction & Presentation - Basic

Interesting concept for a story, seeing how a Pokemon's life might be conveyed as if they followed human sociological norms. The reader gets to see how the main Spearow is trying to think of ways to move up the "pecking" order so to speak. Having the main character suggest an idea that goes against the ideals of their species is an intiguing idea as well. It is also an interesting twist to have Spearow be as aggressive & selfish as they are due to humanity. There are some nice attempts to add some description, which is appreciated. There seems to be a lot going on in the progression of this story, and I think it hindered your pacing a tiny bit. Characters like Milo are briefly introduced for a simple interaction & then serve no real discernible purpose to the story afterwards other than equally brief references. However, I do really like the idea of a flock/family of Spearow, with an elder at the head. It's been seen in other Pokemon species before, but it kind of fits the pack nature we see in real life animals such as birds.

Grammar & Style - Basic

A nice effort to convey your ideas as cleanly as possible to the reader. There are some jarring sentence structures I would just like to briefly go over with you. For example, "Deku, first in shock at the banished creature’s return, then jumped into action." <- This sentence reads very strangely. I understand you're conveying the idea that the elder is surprised the recently banished Spearow has returned, but the idea could be rewritten for better clarity. One such way could be, "Shocked by the sudden return of the banished creature, Deku jumped into action." For the second sentence I would just like to quickly go over, "Feeling disheveled, and now broken- hearted, Birb made his way across the field, keeping as low to the ground as possible." <- There isn't really a need for the extra words such as "now" in the opening of this sentence. Instead, "Feeling disheveled and brokenhearted; Birb made his way across the field, keeping as low to the ground as possible." <- By cleaning up the opening, you remove the unneeded comma and more concisely convey your idea.

Pokemon Integration - Basic

You did enough to justify the Basic designation for this section, thanks in part to your ideas of how Spearow interact with one another. Having them be the sole focal point of the story helps, as you were able to put more effort into their society & interactions. As for the integration of the Pokemon world, there really isn't anything other than the opening nod to Kanto. That in itself wouldn't be enough to warrant a Basic designation; but I am rewarding you for using Spearow in an uncommon dynamic. Spearow are seen several times being aggressive in various forms of media, so this tied in well to that narrative.

Character & Plot Unity - Basic

This section was on the very edge for me. Given the initial plot line given to the reader is Birb going to try and convince the elder to change their ways, this didn't feel like the main idea. Instead, it felt more like a supporting narrative. I feel like the realization moment Birb has when the rock is thrown at his head was the true conclusion to that arc of the story. The banishment seemed to have some weight, but it was so quickly dismissed at the end that I almost feel the elder could have reprimanded Birb or something less extreme for the same effect. In fact, I get kind of Mulan vibes from that idea of a plot device. She is revealed to be a woman (going against convention) & thereby shunned/deserted by the army. Both your character and her end up being brought back into good graces with their people, but the similarities are there. Other than that, everything was somewhat wrapped up at the end. It was enough to give you a Basic, but I would've liked to have seen a more cohesive plot from start to finish.

Setting - N/A

There really isn't much here other than some very vague references to areas such as the field & the river. The area which received the most attention was the tree where the Spearow lived; yet it didn't have a ton of important detail placed into the story. A bit more attention to the details of the setting around the story would have given the Basic designation. There wasn't anything wrong with the inclusions you did place, just not enough there to satisfy the criteria.

Dialogue - Basic

I appreciate your fairly liberal use of dialogue to try and spur the narrative along. However, there are times where the dialogue doesn't help achieve this goal either. In particular, much of the self-dialogue adds more for character building than it does for advancing the plot satisfactorily. The areas of dialogue with Birb & his friend Melissa were excellent examples of how dialogue can be concise & still serve a purpose to the story. If you can focus on making your dialogue feel more like how you portrayed it with them; your writing will feel more conversational & less robotic in nature.

OVERALL: Easiest

A nice little story which introduced Pokemon in a not often used way. You had a solid idea of how you wanted your story to go and that was noteworthy. However, you just need to keep practicing on becoming more concise & cleaner with your writing. Getting your ideas to the reader without confusion is the goal, and I can tell you're starting to hone that craft even more. Keep it up! For achieving the Easiest Rank, you earned yourself that Spearow!

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