[WWC] Defanged
#1
Target: Rockruff

Target Character Count: 10-20K

Actual Character Count: 10,062


{Darker themes, violence, mentions of death}

For the fifth time in the past ten minutes or so, the Rockruff pup found herself slammed against a tree. By now, the sensation of dry bark splintering into her side was becoming painfully familiar.

After hitting the ground in the form of a quivering heap, the rattled canine staggered to her feet with a coughing, defiant growl; she looked daggers at the reptile as it continued to gorge itself on her meal.

The Hakamo-o responded to her sentiments with an unamused glance and a flick of its tail—the same tail that had been responsible for her suddenly extensive experience with tree trunks. As cold as the gesture was, it sparked yet another resentment-fueled flame within the pup’s heart.

The Rockruff planted her feet into the sandy soil and yapped with all her might. When the despicable, scaly fiend failed to answer to her vocal assault, she loosed herself at it once again in all of her malignant rage.

She dashed towards the Hakamo-o, baring her fangs as tension gathered within her jaws. Finally, the drake gave notice, and turned a bit to look at the pup more directly.

The Rockruff lunged at its target, aiming to bite down onto its snout—though, really, anywhere painful would have sufficed. Whatever she ended up doing to her foe, she just wanted it to hurt.

Only a moment after she’d already made her leap, however—and only a moment too late—the Rockruff caught a glimpse of a bright, red glow in the corner of her eye.

In the next instant, a blunt shock rattled her jaw—and just like that, sky and sand blurred into one as she felt herself tumble for a seconds-long eternity. The ground was as much a comforting pillow to her mind as it was a bitter blow to her body.

The pup’s vision slowly cleared as she heaved on the dirt; she saw the Hakamo-o lower a fist to its side, as the light around its claws faded with a wispy sigh. It finally faced her with a glare, growling as it took a single, forceful step towards her.

The Rockruff, bruised as she may have been, refused to consider herself ‘beaten’ in any sense of the word. She lifted herself once more, shuddering and swaying, as she faced the angered lizard head-on.

That was when she felt it: a throbbing absence that her frenzy of adrenaline had masked only moments before. The pup froze; her lip twitched as her tongue felt around her mouth almost reflexively…

Her eyes widened in horror as she licked at a certain spot. Something wasn’t there anymore.

She frantically looked around, her own panic drowning out the Hakamo-o’s hiss. Her mind raced with a sudden bout of unease, as dread clamped its jaws around her heart.

That was when she saw it: A fang—her fang—lying pathetically in the dirt, stained with sand and specks of crimson.

A roar drew the Rockruff out of her inward silence. She looked towards the Hakamo-o, who took another hefty step forward. The pup’s form began to tremble far more than the earth below her ever had—the spark inside her had been all but snuffed out, unable to call forth the fire that had fueled her defiant spirit.

Her ears folded back—not out of anger, but out of fear. She opened her aching mouth to bark, but a whimper was all that she could muster. Despite her efforts to move forward, her legs only pushed her firmly in the opposite direction.

The sight of the Hakamo-o’s mouthful of gleaming teeth was what finally forced her to flee.

The pup ran, trembled, and tripped her way through the droughted forest. The sparse trees were no obstacle at all—especially when compared to her own frantic mind.

She hurt in so many places; her head, her back, the place where her tooth used to be…before long, pain had wormed its way all throughout her body.

After snagging her paw on a shrivelled root, the pup finally tumbled back onto the dirt with a yelp. This time, though, she didn’t get up.

Instead, she resigned to curling up desperately in the dirt…and crying.

With each passing second, the pup hated the noises she made more and more. They were weak. She was weak.

And worst of all, at that moment, she was crying for crying’s sake—and that notion alone pained her far more than any sore gum or rattled jaw.

She thought of her parents; how they’d defended and cared for her, all because she couldn’t do so for herself. And now, even when they were dead and gone…

Her stomach growled—much more fiercely than she herself ever had, no doubt. Her cries became whines; her whines became whimpers. As the sun set over the savannah, exhaustion clutched and clawed at the pup’s shivering form until she finally fell into a deep, harrowed slumber.

The Rockruff awakened to the sound of a wandering breeze and the rustle of crisp leaves caught in its wake. Her reddened eyes creaked open to stare into the moonlit forest around her.

For a while, she couldn’t even find the will to move. She simply continued to look out into the woods—silently, in fact, save for the occasional cough or groan.

As minutes turned to hours, more sounds and sights of the night revealed themselves to the pup: A jittery Yanma buzzed over her head; an Ariados skittered from one tree to another—she even caught sight of a Durant drone scuttling along the forest floor. None of the Bug-types paid the pup any mind as they went about their business, whatever it may have been—not that she had expected them to. She wasn’t worth their attention, after all; she wouldn’t even have been much of a meal at this point.

After staring into the dark wilderness a while longer, her eyes once again grew weary. Her body sighed as she began to drift off into a deeper sleep than before…

Her ears perked up at the sound of a heavy footfall. Her eyes shot open as another stomp sent vibrations through the ground below—it wasn’t just her own shivers this time.

She looked around until her eyes finally fell upon a massive form closing in on her from the shadows. It slowly reached out with a giant, clawed hand.
In that moment, the pup’s body threw her own resignations aside as it sprung to life out of raw instinct. She jolted up off of the ground, growling with enough force to make her shudder—though that was more likely a result of her weakened body rather than any strength in her voice.

The creature—which she could now recognize as a Kangaskhan—reeled back slightly. It stared down at her, with no anger visible in its expression.
The Rockruff began to relax; her breathing slowed back down to a crawl. From what she knew, Kangaskhan preferred berries to Pokémon—and this one didn’t look like it wanted to hurt her, in any case. But in that case, what did it want…?

The Kangaskhan sat down with a low wheeze, pointing down towards its pouch. The pup didn’t see any sign of a baby inside.

Wait…

The Kangaskhan pointed again with a gentle grunt; gears turned in the pup’s lightly throbbing head until she finally pieced together what was happening.

It was trying to take her in.

The pup’s eyes went wide—and for a moment, the promise of care was alluring. However, after she took only a single, tentative step forward, she remembered just what had led her to this point to begin with.

The pup froze, staring at the Kangaskhan as it held out a hand towards her once more.

No…no, she couldn’t. She’d already done enough to burden her own kin, much less a complete stranger.

The Rockruff grit her teeth as she turned and sprinted off into the night. She didn’t dare let herself look back, even as she heard the Kangaskhan’s call fade into the distance.

The heat of the morning sun scorched right through the Rockruff’s fur. Regardless, she continued to trudge across sand and stone—to where, or to what end, she didn’t even know herself.

She licked again at the empty pit in her gum—it didn’t quite hurt to touch anymore, but it was still a painful reminder in its own way. Her vision grew hazier by the minute, and her stomach ached every few steps.

A shrill caw resounded from the sky, and the pup looked up to see a winged shadow circling overhead. She soon figured it to be a Mandibuzz ‘claiming’ her while it waited for her to finally keel.

Perhaps she was worth something after all…

The pup sighed as the thought went to the back of her mind. She kept walking as her legs grew ever weaker…

She wasn’t sure how long it had been before she finally collapsed. In any case, however, she soon enough found herself splayed out on the dirt below, coughing and panting. At this point, she wasn’t sure that she could move even if she wanted to—not that she really did want to, anyhow.

She closed her tired eyes as she heard the Mandibuzz’s wingbeats begin to close in on her. It cawed again, ready to finally take its prize.

The pup feared her approaching demise, of course, but some small part of her felt like it was a fitting end. Her breathing slowed; her beating heart grew quieter; the pain that rattled her body began to fade away…

A fierce howl pierced the silence like a lightning bolt. Her eyes shot open as a clap of thunder followed, then a pained screech. She spotted two figures out of the corner of her eye—she turned her head to look at what appeared to be a Pokémon she couldn’t quite recognize, and a…human…?

The latter called out in a tongue that she failed to understand, as the former barked out towards the sky. Confusion gnawed at the pup’s mind with a hunger far more intense than her own.

The human suddenly pointed towards her, and called out once more. As if on cue, the Pokémon suddenly dashed towards her—it was upon her before she could even blink.

She felt herself being lifted off the ground as a pair of fanged jaws clamped harmlessly around her scruff. She was carried off towards the human at a much slower pace, and was gently swung up into its hands.

She stared into the human’s deep, brown eyes as it gently whispered down to her. She couldn’t understand, but somehow, the very sound soothed her aching soul. She whimpered in response, before getting cut off with her own weak coughs.

Her vision began to blur and fade again, as feeling retreated from her limbs once more. The human’s muffled voice called out to her, but she couldn’t find the strength to respond anymore.

Slowly, the world started to slip away…
[-] The following 2 users Like Rokaido's post:
  • After, Gold
  Reply
#2
Claiming!
Abras are so cute!
Joined URPG 1/28/2017!
Competitive Showdown player
TEAM A.C.T. ALL THE WAY
[Image: a12pB4a9m_480wa_v1.gif]
  Reply
#3
(12-21-19, 01:07 AM)Gold Wrote: Claiming!

Hey fam! Sorry this took so long, holidays really kicked my butt! Without further ado, lets dive right in.


Things you did well:
-I love the way you opened the story. The introduction really got me hooked, and the detail you put into describing the encounter with the Hakamo-o was really well-paced.
-Speaking of detail, your details and descriptions were top-notch across the board. Stuff like "heavy footfalls", "dark wilderness", "trudge across sand and stone", and "stained with sand and specks of crimson." were absolutely amazing touches to give me a great mental image while reading.
-Grammar and length were done well, not much to say here. You satisfied the length guideline and I saw no spelling/grammatical errors stick out.
-Side Note: I REALLY loved the short interlude with the Kangaskhan. I think you approached it very well, and it added so much flavor and life to an already really well done story.


Things you could improve on:
-"However, after she took only a single, tentative step forward, she remembered just what had led her to this point to begin with." Sentences like these are a little awkward; I get what you were going for, but I think something along the lines of "She took only a single, tentative step forward before her mind hesitated. She remembered just what had led her to this point to begin with, and..." would help alleviate that a bit, and there were a few other similar lines, especially in the first segment.
-Not too much here; I think there was definitely more of a story that could be told, which Id'd love to see (though it sounds like you're already working on that!)

Overall, this story is absolutely charming, and I'm ecstatic to have graded it. Please, enjoy your Rockruff, and sorry again about the delay!
Abras are so cute!
Joined URPG 1/28/2017!
Competitive Showdown player
TEAM A.C.T. ALL THE WAY
[Image: a12pB4a9m_480wa_v1.gif]
  Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)