[CAPTURE] introduction
capture: ledyba
cc: 3,092
fandom: super danganronpa 2
notes: hajime is being portrayed as autistic here, and so is chiaki, in case the details about eye contact didn't make sense otherwise. hajime is dating nagito, but the two of them are in a poly relationship so no he's not cheating on nagito by asking chiaki out.

There’s a Ledyba on her head.

That’s Hajime Hinata’s first thought when he sees Chiaki Nanami sitting on the park bench, completely engrossed in her handheld game. She’s tapping away at the buttons while the Ledyba makes itself comfortable on her head. A part of Hajime wonders if it’s trying to make a nest.

Shaking the thought from his head, Hajime walks over to her, deciding he may at least warn her about the bug-type. By this point, he doesn’t know her name, and doesn’t think walking up and saying hey you, there’s a bug on your head will go over very well.

So, instead, he just clears his throat and pulls at his tie a little before saying, “Excuse me, miss? I don’t mean to be rude, but did you notice the Ledyba on your, uh, head?”

The small girl crosses her legs at the ankle and raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t look up from the screen. “Yes,” she says after a few moments of silence stretches between them. “Don’t worry, she’s mine.”

Ah. That probably explains her nonchalant attitude. Hajime sits down on the bench beside her, a comfortable distance away from her and her Pokemon, desperately hoping he’s not being creepy. She looks slightly familiar; Hajime can vaguely recall seeing her face on the Hope’s Peak message boards.

Hey, I don’t want to interrupt, but is your name Chiaki Nanami?” Hajime asks, quietly. There’s a beeping sound from the handheld, and finally, pale pink eyes turn from the screen to look at him.

Yeah, that’s me,” Chiaki confirms. “Sorry, I just died. Don’t worry, it wasn’t your fault. Bagu moved and I lost focus.” She points up to the Ledyba, who says “Ledyba!” as if confirming her statement.

Uh… yeah, okay,” Hajime murmurs. He rubs at the back of his head and looks away for a moment, before looking back. Eye contact, right, because that’s polite, normal people do that. Except now, when he tries to look her in the eyes, Chiaki deliberately avoids him, pupils darting to another side of his face. “So you named your Ledyba… bug?”

It fits, right?” Chiaki asks. “It’s not very creative, but as long as a name fits it doesn’t need to be creative… I think.”

Hajime chuckles. “You don’t sound too confident about that,” he says. “Oh, yeah, I’m Hajime Hinata, by the way. I’m in Hope’s Peak Reserve Course, but I have a friend and a twin who are in the main course.”

Right. You’re Nagito’s boyfriend and Izuru Kamukura’s twin brother,” Chiaki says, slowly, her eyes still avoiding his by whatever means necessary. “They both talk about you a lot, I just never knew what you looked like, or else I would’ve looked for you.”

Well… it’s nice to finally meet you, then,” Hajime replies, a little surprised that she’s retained that much information about him. She doesn’t seem like the type at first glance. “By any chance… you and Bagu there wouldn’t mind getting something to eat with me, would you?”

He’s bold, but it pays off, because Chiaki nods in acceptance. Bagu slips down her head a little, then gives an irritated “Ledyba” before returning to her spot on her head.

It’s an introduction, a beginning, but it’s something new for both of them nonetheless.
The good:
--Nice opening hook. Why is there a Ledyba on her head? Is that cause for alarm? It’s unusual without being threatening, so the reader expects a more sedate story, and matching the expectations you set is always good.
--Great character immersion in Hajime’s headspace. I know that autism manifests in a lot of different ways, but the challenges of navigating a ‘simple’ social situation is well conveyed here.

Room for improvement:
--You’ve got plenty of space to add in more details. What material is the park bench made from? Is it a quiet, mostly deserted park or a raucous and crowded venue? The more you can describe the better it leaves the atmosphere.
--One slip, you had Chiaki’s name mentioned before the main character knew her. Before a character is properly introduced, it’s usually better to stick with more anonymous references – unless the character recognizes them, in which case I’d recommend calling out that the character thinks they recognize another, to prep the reader for the introduction.

Definitely passes easiest, Ledyba captured!

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