Remember & Rebirth #ANewChapter
#1


Remember & Rebirth

Grass type Pokemon have almost been wiped out from the Hoenn region completely. The harsh sunlight had made most of the water above the surface dry completely, most grass types couldn’t dig deeper to find any sort of moisture because of how ruined the ground below them was. Cacnea and Cacturne, however, were already adapted to these harsh conditions and were able to stabilize much more successfully than the other species of grass types around the Hoenn region. Skeletons of the humans who dared brave the harsh sunlight in desperation to find water were found throughout the region, covered in sand and flames from the dead trees they tried to take cover under. 

However, the remaining survivors, humans and primarily ground and rock type pokemon, were able to begin hiding in caves and the underground, where the intense heat wouldn’t reach them, along with hopes of finding underground water sources. Garret, the previous mayor of Fortree City, had the help of the few cityfolk left and they created an underground network of tunnels near route 119 that has so far kept the people cool and hydrated enough to begin reforming what they would call society.

Garret made his way through the tunnel that would lead up to the surface, fired up from his argument with Jack about the reckless stunt to save an Oddish from death. Perhaps, he thought, he was too harsh on the young man, only trying to help save species from death. He shook his head, continuing to ascend closer to the surface. The temperature began to rise at a shocking rate as he continued further up, sweat now beginning to drip down his face, running down on his fairly bushy beard. He took a left turn to find that sunlight was still exposed into the cave, but mostly blocked from a large boulder that had been used to cover the outside of the cave in attempts to give others reason not to investigate. He wiped his face with his forearm, the heat was leaking in and causing the entrance to be heated as if it was a sauna, but lacking the moisture to make it more bearable. 

“Winona… give me the strength to continue protecting them,” He whispered to himself softly, beginning to pant as he turned to head back.

Winona, the Fortree City gym leader, was one of the first to assist with the fight against Team Magma’s uprising. When word had began to spread about Magma’s expansion to drill through the Seafloor Cavern had begun, Winona left with the five other remaining gym leaders to thwart their plans, with Wallace remaining in Sootopolis to protect the Cave of Origins if the leaders fell in battle.

Flannery, however, lost her life in an attempt to help the citizens of Lavaridge escape as the lava of Mt. Chimney consumed everything around. There were no survivors except those who could fly away and were not struck down by the boulders that flew across the fiery, ash plagued sky. There was no time to mourn, however, as stopping Team Magma’s plot to expand the land masses was the number one priority. Not for just themselves, but to the region and the world itself.

“Garret, if the world around us begins to burn, it means we have failed. Abandon the wooden huts we have spent many years to construct, for they will be the cages that the citizens cannot escape from; they will burn. Take them underground, we have plenty of Pokemon that can get everyone safely hidden in mere hours.”

“But-” Garret interrupted, a tear slowly falling down his cheek.

“There’s no time to object, my love. I need to do this, and you are their hope. Get them underground and safe. Construct a maze if necessary, but protect everyone, we cannot afford to lose any numbers since Lavaridge and Fallarbor town have perished,”

Winona looked up at the sky, throwing a Pokeball high in the air as it released a Skarmory, healthy and ready for combat if needed. She hopped on the Skarmorys back, looking down at Garret as she began to float off the ground. Garret felt his heart breaking, his love and second part of him suddenly flying away, possibly dying, to keep the world protected, as a gym leader should do.

“Garret!” Winona cried as his head quickly shot upward, a Pokeball began to drop towards him, his hands catching it and a sudden realization had came over him.

“You need her, Winona! Don’t-”

“It’s alright! She’ll protect all of you when the time is right! Goodbye, my love!”

It was the last time he saw her, it had been days, possibly months, since she flew off to save the world. However, Groudon was awaken despite the gym leaders efforts, and now the world had lost the life and sea that had been born with it. Garret sighed as he clenched the Pokeball Winona gave him in hand, hoping he would not need to risk any lives in order to protect the people Winona believed he could protect.

Garret froze in his track as he heard noise. It sounded like… people were talking outside of the boulder, he could hear the murmuring and whispers of men and women alike outside. Garret began to take a few paces back as he focused completely on the boulder that protected the society below. He saw a red flash on the outside, a man loudly shouted as the Boulder suddenly cracked. Garret knew what this meant; He sprinted down the tunnel next to him as he had no time to waste. The boulder, however, could not buy him enough time as it suddenly shattered, almost as if there was an explosion. He stumbled, landing on his knees and hands, picking himself back up quickly as that tremor would travel down to the others. They would feel it, they would know that their cover had now been blown.

Meanwhile, Jack rushed into a small pocket of the caverns he lived in. He rushed through a blanket that covered it; Finding Candice, Tracy, and Whitney all tending to the Oddish he brought in moments before. They were all huddled around a small bowl of water, enough to keep the Oddish bathed.

“Is… Is that Oddish going to be okay?” Jack quietly asked.

“Shhhh…” Candice responded, waving her right arm to come and see for himself.

The Oddish was resting, looking as if it had just been fed multiple meals, regaining body mass from being previously shriveled up due to dehydration. Jack breathed relief, the Oddish was going to make it after all.

“Thank you, ladies… that’s another one saved,”

Jack explored the surface during the evenings and dead of night, when the sun would be briefly toned down enough to make the exploration bearable enough to traverse. His mission was to save as many stranded Pokemon that were somehow still alive, having not been finished off by dehydration. He’s rescued a small handful of Pokemon in the last few months, the ones strong enough to survive on minimal water and be brought back to regain strength lost. This Oddish was the second grass type Pokemon he had seen in months, grass types were becoming increasingly more difficult to find on the surface. Some were able to hide within caves that had water and small bits of residue still forming despite the extreme sun. Others hid underground like the people of Fortree did, able to find natural sources of underground pools and lakes, able to survive. 

Survival, however, was something difficult in these times. Only certain berries and food would grow underground in the darkness, no natural sunlight made it even more difficult to keep plants able to photosynthesis. Water was becoming less and less of an issue, but food had began to become more scarce than usual. The people of Fortree were making it work, however, only small discussions of the slowly depleting resources have been brought up here and there, but nothing to be causing alarm.

The ground suddenly shook, the water bowl upset as a small amount suddenly splashed around. The Oddish remained asleep, still recovering with plenty of water left, but the others quickly rose up. “Whitney, watch over the Oddish, we’ll investigate!” Candice instructed. Whitney nodded as she reached for a small cup of water, adding to replace the water that had been lost. 

The trio rushed past the blanket that acted as a door, looking in multiple directions to see if anything around them had either collapsed or been damaged by the tremor. Neighboring caverns with multiple people began to empty as voices of concern began to increase in volume. Down the center tunnel that led to the surface, a lone figure could be seen beginning to travel towards the group at a high pace. Candice and Jack gripped Pokeballs strapped to their waistlines, only to remove their hands in shock as Garret suddenly stumbled from the tunnel and did a small roll through the gravel and mud like floor. Multiple people, including Jack and Candice, rushed over to assist; he wasn’t harmed, to their relief.

“Get him some water, quick!” Candice shouted out. Multiple men and women picked Garret up from the ground, he was unconscious from the exhaustion and heat exposure from being closer to the surface, and rushed him off to the infirmary they had dug out. The others, including Jack, Candice, and Tracy, all weren’t sure why Garret was suddenly rushing back like that, usually he would take his time when returning from one of his lone moments closer to the surface. A small rumble could be felt. Everyone’s attention could be turned to the center tunnel as multiple steps were taken back. Three silhouettes of people could be seen slowly progressing to the center room that everyone was located in. A large, metallic figure could be seen behind the three, likely the one to be causing the ground to be disturbed around them. It was an Aggron; a Pokemon that could be described as a titan to many, but was very rare to see in caverns, let alone anywhere in general like this. The three came into view; multiple gasps and even a small scream could be heard within the group of survivors. Two men and one woman, all wearing hooded outfits came into view; Magma crests embedded within the fabric. They all inspected the area, one grinning with what could almost be considered excitement. 

“Quite the welcome, I must say…” The man spoke as he took a step forward, everyone around with the exception of the two people who joined him stepped back in fear.

“Let’s talk”
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#2
Clam! weary2
[Image: tumblr_p5tzuvjf3j1wsnmapo4_540.gif]
MORPHIC:
DANIEL [SCRAFTY] X GALEN [WIP]
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#3
The weary2 :

-Overall, I like how the story has the capability to stand on its own, considering its a chapter for the event. This is because your introduction gives the readers the important details that they need to know, whether they have read the previous chapter or not.

-In addition to the intro, the world-building was swiftly done! All the basics of the world is compacted into the intro, and some more details that flesh it out are spread out across the story, which makes the readers learn more as they go through the story AND not making the intro too dense with information.

-The italicized section was some good characterization for Garret and even Winona! The interaction between them and the relationship status and other info gives them more depth. Most of the interactions between your characters were meaty in terms of characterizations, since they show how important they are to each other. Keep it up!

-The antagonists were fleshed out well, even if they're not in the story itself. Since you gave the readers enough information and event their current plans, they still had presence even without them showing up.

The whew :

-Some characters, like the Gym Leaders Candice, Whitney, and Tracy (is Tracy even a Gym Leader? lmao) were included into the story without any introductions to them. While it can be assumed that the reader knows Gym Leaders, for the sake of the story and the readers who don't, basic info should still be given. Especially since Winona was described as the Fortree Gym Leader, the others should be taken account as well.

-You might want to consider dealing with the focuses on the paragraphs that start with "Winona, the Fortree City gym leader, [...]" and "Flannery, however, lost her life [...]". The main focuses goes as Winona, then Flannery, then Winona again as we go into the italicized part. While I think the end part of the Flannery paragraph does connect with the italicized part, it might be best to shift the focus into Winona again. As an example: "However, Winona and the rest of the Leaders were struck by the death of Flannery. [...]"

-Lowkey pitnicky, but the shift of narration from Garret to Jack was a bit jarring. Even though you used "Meanwhile", which is a good way to indicate narration/focus shift for the readers, a divider such as a horizontal line between the scenes could help in dividing the two into two separate sections. Much like how you separated the flashback through the use of italics and centering to indicate its difference in the narrative, the POV shift needs adequate division, too.

-While I understand that you were aiming for a chapter-style ending since this is just one chapter, the story felt lacking in general, since there was not much action. Most of the story was just the world-building and the flashback, and when the action starts, the story abruptly ends. You could instead continue with the entrance of the Magma grunts and add a confrontation scene. Then once a major fight starts, let's say an actual battle, you may decide to cut it for the next chapter. In general, I think this story just needed a climax/action scene to give it foundations to stand on, instead of relying on the flashback and world-building.

-Grammar is good, so nitpicky stuff: Take note of apostrophes (Skarmorys). Also the end quote "Let's talk" should still end with a period.

RESULT ohsnap :

Overall, your story chapter has the potential to be on its own, based on the intro and the world-building. But the story could be fleshed out more by adding conflict through the confrontation you teased in the end, but it is still possible to leave out some of it for a next chapter. For now, I'm giving you:

Simple: $5,000 !!!

The overall content felt more like a Simple story, since there was not much action going on. If you want to aim more, I really suggest expanding more on that final scene. Anyways, hit me up on Discord if you need anything ^^
[Image: tumblr_p5tzuvjf3j1wsnmapo4_540.gif]
MORPHIC:
DANIEL [SCRAFTY] X GALEN [WIP]
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