Introducing a New Friend. by Brock
Originally posted by @Brock; back on 11/25/2018, moving it on their behalf due to PXR branch closure. Not yet claimed.

(So im crazy rusty, and sometimes my grammar sucks, so bear with me. Im not trying to catch anything yet,.. this is just an intro, and some writing.)

The light faded as the sun dipped below the distant mountains over Brocks campsite. Blades of light cut like daggers through the trees, as late evening faded to day. The clearing became host to long shadows as the tall pines and oaks blotted out the failing sun.

Wally, Brocks Axew, thus named because he reminded Brock of a walrus with his tough tusks, and stubborn attitude, was finishing up with his carvings, as he dug his tusks into nearby trees. This, Wally was sure, would let other pokemon know that this specific clearing was protected by a feisty Axew that meant business.

" Wally! Bring it in! Its time."

Brock knelt next to his pack at the mouth of his 4 man dome tent. He had found this spot along the way to the PokeMart, and made a mental note of it earlier that day. The past few hours, while Wally was 'doing his thing,' Brock set up camp, started a fire, got dinner cooking, and the moment everything was taken care of, he rifled through his pack, and removed todays purchase. The shopping bag was white with the shops logo emblazoned on the very middle. Inside, wrapped with care, laid two items.

The first thing out was Brocks very first Z-Ring. He had been waiting for this for a while. The anticipation had been killing him. He put in the order the day he got Wally, and had some special features built in. In addition to special colors, when there is no crystal installed, the face of the Z-Ring told the time, a compass needle, and a Pokémon center locator. Brock could cycle through with the push of a button, changing the digital display. He quickly unclasped his new accessory, and locked it onto his wrist.

Brock was enamored. He was so stricken by his new toy that he barely noticed Wally, standing in front of him.

"AXE!! YOU!!! Axew Axew YOU!"

Wally was less than enthused by Brocks lack of attention. He called him away from his carving, and now he wasnt even LOOKING at him. Wally's cries snapped Brock to reality.

" OH! sorry buddy."

Wally had begun ramming his head into Brocks leg, and nudging him repeatedly. Brock got the hint.

" OK, ok. I get it. Let me show you what we got..."

Brock pulled the final parcel from the bag. AS he removed it, Wally watched while a necklace chain emerged from the bag. Brock lifted it gingerly, as if cradling an egg in his hand. This, however, was no egg. It was a pokeball!

This pokeball was different, however, It was black and grey, and seemed to be leaking some kind of smoke. On the top, above its button, was a simple skull and crossbones.

" This, my dear Wally, is our new friend."

Brock slid the chain over his neck. The pokeball dangled over his chest, resting just under his collar. He pulled forcefully, unclasping the ball from the chain. With a loud click, and a button press, the pokeball grew to full size. With a dramatic flick of his wrist, the ball flew through the air.

" Now! Come out!!!"

The pokeball erupted open with a burst of smoke, billowing downward like a dark colored dry ice. It rolled menacingly below a very intimidating looking Duskull.

Wally looked on in awe, stricken by the haunting arrival of a new friend. HE wasn't quite sure what to think of the new pokemon, but he was sure of one thing. By the looks of it, He was glad it was on their side.

You it's me ya boi. Claiming
"Take Care of Yourself"

Concise Grade!

-One thing that stands out immediately is that you take the time to build detail for the surroundings, opening with a setting sun on the mountainside establishes the setting perfectly. Well done.
-You also did quite a good job giving the characters personality, especially Axew. 
A good example of this is when you have Axew mark his territory. This was adorable...
Good characterization for Brock was his childlike enthusiasm for the Z-Ring! Showing him get lost in his new gadget definitely gives the reader a feel for who this character is.
-I liked your description for Duskull too, just the ending lines alone establish how terrifying this Pokemon could be in the eyes of the trainer. It also helped hint to the next chapter where we could see what this Pokemon could do!
-Your descriptions are very detailed, you certainly took the time to lay out the scene in your head. So well done!
-One thing I'd recommend working on is making sure the pacing is a bit tone down, everything happens so fast! And sure! Writing is exciting but let the reader digest what's happening. You obviously have a lot of thoughts in your head regarding what's going to happen in the story: Axew, Duskull, the Z-Ring and Brock. But take it slowly! This will let reader question things on their own. 
"How did Axew and Brock meet?"
"What's Brock going to use the Z-Ring for?"
"Does he have Z-Crystals?"
"Where did he get Duskull?"
"Where was Brock headed?" 

All important questions that the reader may have! Overall this story does a nice job of establishing what the story is going to be about: our new trainers Pokemon adventure! 

Just work on some pacing issues, and you're set!

You also hit the Easiest Length (3k!) 
And since your story passed... You get 3k as well!
"Take Care of Yourself"


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